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2/19 Tonight my heart is heavy.

I have fallen in love with this place. I love my cold shower and the surprise of no electricity at any moment. I love these kids, the staff, and Auntie Marie who comes every afternoon to cook me dinner and keep me company.

But I’m reminded daily of the poverty and brokenness that Africa is known for. It is real. Because as wonderful and fun as everything is…there is so much sadness.

Like the group of older girls who are sitting outside with Pastor Daniel right now, with broken hearts and stolen purity. Or the three year old I’ve fallen in love with who has the eyes of a 40 year old. With so much past and hurt I can’t even imagine. He’s come so far just to smile and he’s finally learned how to just run around and play like three year olds should. Or the three sisters who were completely shut off and stone cold when I first arrived. Their mom has no money and has no way to care for them…so here they are in this unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar faces, and they’re just trying to figure out their new life. Or the severely malnourished boy from the hospital who was found by the cook next to the dumpster. And because he’s abandoned the nurse who’s caring for him is the one paying for his care. Even though she hardly gets paid as it is.

Everything is just so much more real than I ever wanted to believe. I’ve been faced with the reality that people really do starve to death, and children really do get left to die, abandoned and unwanted, and curable diseases are still killing people.

I can’t help but wonder how I got to this place. How in the world did I end up sitting in one of the poorest countries in the world on a bamboo couch trying to get rid of ringworm on my neck? A year ago I had never even heard of Sierra Leone. And now I call this place my home…brokenness and all.

It makes me realize how BIG God is. How I have no control of my life and what’s going to happen tomorrow. And the only thing I can do it pray to be guided by love…every single day. Even on days like tonight when it all seems like too much and it’s overwhelming.

"I have told you this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trial and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Nothing better

It was an especially hot day today.

I couldn’t really concentrate at church because I was trying to keep two bickering boys away from each other while I held a little one asleep on my lap. Sweat was dripping down my back the entire time…I’ve almost gotten used to it…but not yet. And really I just wanted to sleep in today, but it just can’t happen. The kids wake up at 6 a.m. on the weekends and those sweet voices just can’t help but sing praises to Jesus before the sun rises. It’s actually the best thing to wake up to and I don’t even have to set an alarm…ever. The power also shuts off around the same time they wake up so it gets a bit toasty under my mosquito net.  Which also defeats the purpose of my bucket bath the night before because I start sweating the minute I wake up. 

I’m not complaining…this is just my life. Today marks the third week I’ve been here and I can’t imagine being anywhere else. I love this place more and more everyday. It makes everything else way less important. So instead of sitting around and watching tv today like I usually do when I can’t sleep and am tired…I just walked outside. And I was instantly surrounded and I couldn't ask for anything better than this.